I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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