I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
