I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
