Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
