you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
