nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
