How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
