Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
