i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
