She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
