just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
