If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
