Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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