My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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