Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
