is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
