her vagine was all disorganized.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
