You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
