He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
