I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
