I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
