i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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