Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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