Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
