And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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