If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize