did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
