paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
