I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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