I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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