nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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