Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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