Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
