Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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