Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
