That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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