ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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