Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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