My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Vodka?
Forever.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
