I'll bet she douches with gravy.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize