I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
