Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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