apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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