Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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