guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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