im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
