So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
