If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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