she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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