If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Of course I have a pirate flag
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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