If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Randomize