grandma shit on top of the toilet
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
