my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize