your room smells of hookers.
And success
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
