I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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