Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
