Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
