9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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