Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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