nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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