i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
