im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
