Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
