You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
