Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
