Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm getting married
To pizza
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
