Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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