I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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