$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
